Geologists Warn Pearse Doherty Nearing Eruption


THE coalition government are today going about their daily Dáil business in blissful ignorance, having ignored reports from political seismologists that Sinn Féin TD Pearse Doherty may be ‘just days away’ from blowing his top.

The Donegal man had been showing increased signs of volatility during the last number of years due to increasingly angry activity towards the insurance sector, and has come ‘dangerously close’ to a full-scale eruption since the formation of a FF-FG-G coalition government even with his own party’s strong showing at the booth this year.

Despite the ongoing warning signs, TDs from the government benches have continued to flagrantly annoy and vex Doherty, with experts begging them to consider the fucking-off they are liable to receive if they insist on their current course of action.

“The Taoiseach is on incredibly shaky ground as it is, does he think he can get away with throwing accusations about the funding of Sinn Féin’s Donegal offices at Doherty and get away with it” sighed one Dáil geology expert we spoke to, who was ‘clearing out of Dublin’ before the inevitable shitstorm.

“If you thought ‘Fuck you, Deputy Stagg’ was a blow-up, believe me; you haven’t seen anything yet. This will unleash the combined build-up of years of FF-FG provocation of Sinn Féin, everything from ‘your balaclava is showing’ to ‘not a normal party’, the works”.

UPDATE: TDs have been ordered to evacuate the building after one FF minister joked that the impending eruption ‘wouldn’t be the first time a Shinner blew up’, possibly within earshot of Doherty.