We Contact Luke Kelly For His Thoughts On His Statues Being Desecrated

FOLLOWING the 7th successive attack on a statue dedicated to Irish singer-songwriter Luke Kelly, WWN gathered a team of Ireland’s most renowned mediums to help contact him via Ouija board for his thoughts on the spate of vandalism.

Flocking to Luke’s favorite haunt O’Donoghues, our team of clairvoyants huddled together around a table the musician once sat at, before beginning to summon one of Ireland’s most beloved musicians.

“Spirit, are you there? We want to contact the entity known as Luke of the Kelly’s, are you there, Luke?” our physic opened up, as we jointly held a pointer with our gang of highly paid mediums.

Slowly moving across the board with striking rhythm, the board began to speak.

“How yis,” the board spoke, before confirming it was himself and spelling out, “I’d murder a pint”.

“Luke, your two statues are being vandalised and no one knows why or who’s doing it, what are your thoughts on this?” we asked our spirit.

“Loada bollocks, couldn’t give a shite. I’m fucking dead. Why’s there two bleedin’ statues? Have yis lost the plot down there, wha’?”

“Luke, have you any idea why someone would draw glasses on your statues eyes, it’s costing the council a fortune to clean? Did you own any slaves that we don’t know about, or are you secretly English?” we asked, hoping for some closure.

“Glasses could be a metaphor for pints. I could have forgotten to get a round in, now that I think about it,” the board replied, “I was always doing that and it could be someone I owed a few pints to”.

Bewildered, our medium continued: “That’s bad form, Luke, in fairness. No wonder”.

“Yeah, it is. I was nearly sent down below over it sure. I only got in here because God loves Raglan Road”.

“Luke, is there anything you would like us to do or say to the Irish media about all of this?”

“Yeah, let them vandalise the fucking things. Sure, it will give the poor kids around there something to do, since the government aren’t doing anything for them. Ronnie’s asking where his fucking one is”.

“There’s no immediate plans for a Ronnie Drew statue, I’m afraid,” we replied.

“Ah great, now Joe Dolan is slagging him off here – thanks a lot, yis pricks,” the Ouija board signed off.