Man Cradles Beer Belly Like A Loving, Expectant Mother

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LOCAL MAN Paedar Higgins has been brewing something quite stunning these past few months. Proudly displaying his happy news on social media, Higgins cradled his engorged belly with all the tenderness of an expectant mother beaming with a life-creating glow.

“Over the moon is the only words for it,” confirmed Higgins as he lathered some bio-oil on his belly, which has taken months, if not a lifetime of regular alcohol intake to grow.

“I don’t see why I shouldn’t have people stopping me on the street, complimenting me, giving up their seat on public transport,” offered Higgins, who has cursed his rubbish timing of building his belly at a time when touching strangers in public during a pandemic is frowned upon.

“I was looking forward to the unsolicited pats of my belly, the ‘oh I can hear it rumble’ comments as I became backed up or let one rip”.

“And fuck it, it took me a lot longer than 9 months to cultivate this bump. Pregnant women think they’re great! But I worked hard for this, and to just have my achievement go unnoticed or not complimented just isn’t fair,” confirmed Higgins, who thought constant photos and status updates of his beer gut would receive the cliched responses doled out to pregnant women such as ‘stun hun’, ‘positively glowing’ and ‘oh my God, it’s the best thing you’ll do, enjoy every second of it’.

“This is something I’m proud of and I want the whole world to see it, but I’ll be honest I’m surprised by the lack of support and encouragement I’ve received,” confirmed Higgins on his new podcast, blog and video series about his journey to bellyhood.

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