CATEGORICALLY denying all responsibility for the design and subsequent spread of the Covid-19 virus, a Wuhan based mutant bat doctor reassured awaiting press that his laboratory was in no way connected to the pandemic.
“Wizzzzuuuuuuwissssssss,” Dr. Chang Wu began, apologising for the loud screeching noise which left reporters reeling, “apologies, I’ve literally come out of a two hour meeting with my team where we were speaking in bat, so sorry about that.
“This lab had nothing to do with Covid-19, and if it had, our government would be the first ones to own up to it,” Dr. Wu stated, his head turning sharply as if hearing something, shouting back at a female staff member behind, “Ling! I left the stirrer on in Covid lab number 42 – can you switch it off please I can barely hear myself lie out here, thanks”.
“Sorry about that. As head of the Wuhan Institute of Virology I’m telling the world today that we definitely had nothing to do with the virus which started in Wuhan, and for people to suggest such a thing is actually quite insulting if I’m completely honest,” he reiterated.
Dr. Wu’s public denial comes just days after US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo on Sunday said ‘enormous evidence’ backed up the claim that the Wuhan lab was responsible.
“Ha-ha, yeah, sure; we also have weapons of mass destruction and an ISIS training facility hidden underneath the lab,” the mutant bat doctor concluded, before flying off for lunch to a nearby wet market.