Publicans Definitely Having Sneaky Pints, Suspects Everyone


SPECULATION as to whether local publicans have been having sneaky pints without so much as an invite to loyal customers has not yet been confirmed despite several sightings of proprietors entering and leaving the building.

The pubs, which were forced to close due to a nationwide lockdown to curb the Coronavirus, have been teasing local punters for the past few weeks by just sitting there all quiet and sad like a cute furry puppy abandoned in a dog pound.

“Just look at it there, beer garden probably like an old western now with tumbleweed blowing through her, not a sipper in sight – I can’t even look when I pass it anymore without wincing,” pointed out Smithwicks in a Carlsberg glass aka, Tommy Holden, wiping a single tear from his cheek before slamming its owner.

“Guarantee you now that bollocks is in there pulling pints of ice cold Guinness for himself; wouldn’t even have the decency to send a sneaky Whatsapp to see if we wanted one. He’ll be lucky now if anyone steps foot in the place when this blows over”.

The rumour was echoed throughout the country as thousands of bar owners found themselves questioned by ‘loyal’ customers as to their habits when checking in on their own bar.

“If one more prick asks me if I’m having a sneaky pint, lock-in, or suggests I’m in there having sessions I’ll fucking batter them,” bar owner Liam Murphy told this publication, no doubt lying through his stout stained teeth.

“Yeah, I’m going to leave on all the fucking fridges, the refrigerator in the keg room and all the pumps for months on end, wasting thousands of euros on energy costs, just so I can have a sneaky pint on my own – I’ll be lucky if we ever even open again, assholes,” he then openly admitted, proving beyond all reasonable doubt that publicans are definitely sneaking a few in on the sly, the bastards.