Greggs Launch Vegan Bat Soup


KEEN to keep up with the latest culinary trends while also generating controversial attention-grabbing headlines, UK bakery chain Greggs has unveiled a vegan bat soup that promises ‘all of the taste, none of the links between viruses of animal origin and humanity’.

Looking to drum up as much business as their Vegan Sausage Rolls did in 2019, the pastie-masters are combining the impact of anti-China racism with the general wariness of Veganism to create a delicious soup that ‘simply must be tried, or at least tweeted about’.

Although bat soup is not a dish served in the Wuhan province of China where Covid-19 is said to have made the leap from animals to humans, that hasn’t stopped a league of online experts from branding the ‘disgusting habits’ of Chinese people as the cause of the world’s current Coronavirus misery.

“Bat soup is actually a delicacy in Palau, but you don’t need me to tell you where that is,” said a spokesperson for the company.

“But regardless of how Covid-19 made its way to humans, everyone knows it probably has something to do with bats, so we’re going to tap into that anger with our new soup which has a little tofu bat in there. We’re expecting sales in the millions; from people who love bat soup but were looking for a vegan alternative, to people who hate us, hate vegans, hate soup and hate bats, but had to see what all the fuss was about”.

In unrelated news, reports are coming in to WWN that Piers Morgan’s head has exploded into a thousand pieces.