Parties Sorry They Weren’t Arsed Talking About Mental Health, Promise To Get Round To It Next Election


WITH a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders which suggested ‘hey, could have happened to anyone’ the main political parties contesting the 2020 general election admit it was a combination of simply not caring and having absolutely no ideas that led to mental health funding and reforms featuring so low on their agendas.

“There’s always next election, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t a big deal and can wait another five years, right?” shared the parties in a joint statement, while pointing out they had all made a raft of promises they can’t possibly deliver on, in respect of increasing nurse numbers.

The parties went on to add that it actually wasn’t strictly true that they have ignored the issue of mental health entirely.

“We’ve been very vocal at times when calling our rival ‘mental’ or ‘crazy’ so don’t come at us with that ‘you never bring it up’ bullshit. What are you expecting from us? Irish politicians treating the issue with the attention it needs and offering genuine solutions? Okay, pal, maybe you’re the crazy one,” added the parties, passing a shovel around and helping one another dig.

In better news, the parties did say they wouldn’t rule out more empty promises during the entire run of the next Dáil, cutting funding here and there, blocking relevant legislation now and again.

“Alright, are we done with this shit? See you again in five years for the same conversation” concluded the parties.