Dove To Finally Stop Using Doves In All Its Products

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AFTER CONSISTENT CALLS from animal rights group the specialist skincare range of products under the banner of Dove will cease to mulch dove birds into a white paste for use in all their production.

The angelic birds are renowned for their gleaming white feathers, which have skin restorative powers, initially making their bones and flesh the ideal ingredient in a range of body-positive skincare products.

“This here is the last batch of genuine dove infused Dove products,” production line manager Garett Pollard told WWN as he stuffed the last of the doves into some Dove beauty cream bars labelled ‘one quarter moisturizing cream, three quarters dove’.

“Science has come a long way since we first used actual doves in our products, and it seems other brands are following suit,” shared head of beauty technology and cleanliness at Dove, Erica Wurth, referring to body spray manufacturer Lynx, who slaughters millions of wild cats every year for their pungent smelling urine.

Dove denies that the increased scarcity in dove population numbers are connected to their decision, but admit the change is being made not before time.

“It was becoming tougher to procure doves; Dove employees would have to hang outside churches waiting for newly married couples to release some white doves and catch them in nets. Where else do you think they went?” shared one insider with some knowledge on the subject.

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