RETAIL STAFF working in busy shops have confirmed a long running rumour about their profession for the first time in a world exclusive for WWN.
Customers who find themselves joining the back of a queue in a shop and immediately tut, hiss, guffaw or grumble demonstrably to give effect to their annoyance actually make queues evaporate before their eyes in record time.
“It’s weird, it’s like magic. We don’t know how it works but every time a thundering bitch or bastard sighs sarcastically we suddenly speed up the process of serving a long line of customers. We should really thank these people, build them a statue,” shared a thankful retail worker in a flat and curt tone, suggesting that they might not be that thankful at all.
While science has yet to provide an answer as to why this phenomenon occurs, customers have been urged to be more unreasonable, impatient and less understanding next time they find themselves in a queue in a bid to speed up the completion of transactions.
“What customers like this seem to understand about us retail workers is that we’re IQ-deficient imbeciles that are always in the wrong, so when they’re in a queue they’re 100% in the right to presume long lines of customers buying shed loads of products during peak times in some of the busiest retail units in the area is completely unacceptable,” added another retail worker through gritted teeth.
“Why anyone would think they should just be patient and wait a few minutes is beyond me. The more passive aggressive and condescending behaviour more associated with an enraged toddler the better, thanks”.