Local Man Fairly Sure He Shifted Lisa Smith In The Oasis


DUNDALK native William Henderson is today wracking his brain to try and remember if he did in fact ‘lob the gob’ on ISIS bride Lisa Smith in the late 90s, possibly in the then-popular North-East disco mecca, The Oasis nightclub in Carrickmacross.

Henderson, now 39, is fairly certain that he shifted a young woman matching Smith’s description in 1999, who told him in conversation that she was ‘intending to go on for the army’ as they enjoyed a few shots of red Aftershock on the bridge upstairs later that night.

Following a prolonged session of french kissing on a sofa upstairs, Henderson seems to recall that Smith, currently battling to return to Ireland after years as an ISIS bride in Syria, fled to do the Macarena on the dance floor with her friends, leaving him to pass out for the remainder of the night.

“Did I turn her into a jihad terrorist?” pondered Henderson, extremely concerned that he may now be a target of coalition forces due to his possible connections to a pre-ISIS Smith.

“More to the point, was it even her? Was it some other brunette from Dundalk? Christ knows, I was fucked on Belfast Bombers. I think I met her downstairs when the Venga Boys was playing, then we just started shifting, then she went to dance, and now she’s in ISIS. Am I to blame?

“Who else did I shift in my 20s and are they all terrorists too? Have I created sleeper cells of Louth women waiting to launch attacks? Jesus Christ, why did I ever go out to the fucking Oasis in the first place”.

Smith has declined to comment on whether or not she shifted Henderson in the Oasis, stating that ‘such things are kinda the least of my worries right now’.