Jamie Oliver’s Cheeky, Dead-Simple Administration

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YOU may think the economy is nice and stable, you may think that there’s enough money floating around to allow people to enjoy going out for meals, spending a bit of cash, keeping restaurants in business and generating hundreds of jobs in the service industry; well, let’s show you a way to go into administration that so simple, almost any mid-priced high street food chain could manage it, and in only 5 minutes.

We’re going to use Jamie’s Italian here, but you can use whatever chain you like; your Nando’s, your Milano’s, Pizza Express, whatever you’re having, sunshine – it all works at the end of the day. Pukka!

Get a pinch of your seemingly successful business model, perhaps operating under the banner of a respected and well-received public figure, sprinkle a nice number of moderately-priced meals in there with the intent to capture that lovely profitability that comes with families and couples having a cheeky meal out after a day’s shopping, you know how it goes, dice up some unpaid invoices into a bowl, throw  your books into the oven to cook and Bam!  Almost done, geez!

Now, while all that’s bubbling away nicely, take your government and get them going with some cheeky little cuts and stealth taxes in there, marinade in a nice bit of austerity, and just sit back and let that expendable income your customer base has at their disposal reduce to a medium heat. Bosh.

Smack it all in there together and you’ll get this unmistakable aroma of dread as your customers dwindle to the point where the entire thing looks set to collapse… that’s when you get to whack in a load of administrators from KPMG, and boom, you’ve got yourself 1,300 people out of a job in less than a few months. Lovely jubbly.

Think it couldn’t happen to your favourite restaurant or chain? Nah, guv. With more and more places going out of business and putting people on the unemployment line, it’s never been easier to fold overnight. Enjoy!

Join us next week with our 30 minute recipe for disaster. Wicked.

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