5 Things Rory McIlroy Needs To Do To Get That Green Jacket

NO OTHER tournament bewitches golf fans quite like the mythical US Masters and its illustrious Augusta, Georgia setting.

He’s been close before, but as one of this year’s favourites, has Rory McIlroy learned from his past mistakes? WWN Sport looks at the five things he needs to do to get that green jacket, and hey, Rory, if you’re reading, start taking notes:

1) Let rich people stare at him while he walks around for 4 days straight.

It may seem creepy, but just let the leather tanned lads follow and watch you for 4 days. It’s not weird if you don’t think about it Rory, they just want to watch your every move. Unfortunately, this is a necessary step towards getting that coveted green jacket.

2) Walmart probably has a selection of green jackets at competitive prices. There’s a Walmart Supercenter 20 minutes away on the Bobby Jones Expressway, according to Google Maps. Just saying, you could get one in 20 minutes and have the bonus of not having to play golf for 4 days straight.

3) Does it even have to be green, honestly? Or even a jacket? I’m not saying I fundamentally don’t get the seriousness of the most sought after major on the calendar, the one that completes the slam for you Rory, but… what’s so bad about green trousers or a green V-neck?

4) Putting is a thing right? Putt good. Don’t be all wobbly bobbly when swinging it. God, that’d be a disaster, huh. All strut and no putt.

Look, when I took this gig chief sports writer, I sort of didn’t think that much about it. A gig’s a gig, right? My background is more in arts criticism, but fuck me there’s not many jobs opening up in online media these days.

And anyway, golf is one of those sports you don’t really think about when someone says ‘hey, name 5 sports, real quick’ when you’re in a job interview, no offence.

It’s maybe 9 or 10 in the list, and that’s being generous. Would it even come up before cycling? Who knows.

5) Can you just do me a solid and not tell my boss I sort of fudged this one? Thanks guys, enjoy the golf match. Go Rory.