Liffey Dolphin Glassed Passing Temple Bar
A DOLPHIN which had been spotted swimming up and down the Liffey river earlier today has been admitted to A&E after falling foul of an altercation as it passed underneath the Ha’penny Bridge, beside the city’s popular Temple Bar area.
News of the stray cetacea spread on social media this morning, before becoming the number one trending story on all major news aggregation sites for the rest of the day, with phone-shot footage of the animal clogging up news feeds for the bulk of the afternoon in a display of animal-in-an-unexpected-place frenzy not seen since last week when there was an otter in a shop in Mayo and the country lost its mind.
However, the story took a grim turn as the dolphin strayed too close to a lairy group of inebriated young lads in the Temple Bar area, who began to harass and intimidate the beautiful creature, until one of them hurled a pint glass at the porpoise on purpose, bottling its bottle nose and necessitating an emergency dash to the Mater hospital.
“It’s time to get this dorsel fin to Dorset Street,” said a paramedic, loading the bleeding dolphin into the back of the bleedin’ ambulance.
“We get about fifty of these calls a day, but this is the first time it’s been about a dolphin. Just goes to show, the old saying of ‘if you mind yourself, you’ll be left alone’ is a load of shite. If you’re around this part of town and there’s drink involved, you’re in danger. Like, if they flipped on Flipper, they’ll flip on you”.
UPDATE: The dolphin has been pronounced dead after lying on the floor in A&E for four hours waiting to be seen.