Jacob Rees Mogg Invited To The Falls Road To Talk About Irish Border


PRO-BREXIT MP Jacob Rees Mogg has been invited to talk with the residents of the Falls Road in Belfast and further expand on his proposals for the Irish border post-Brexit in the hope he can properly explain to people clearly inferior to himself why he sees no issue with subjecting people who reside in the United Kingdom to random searches.

‘Dear Mr Rees Mogg, we hope this letter finds you well. We found your recent thoughts on indiscriminate searching of people as they cross the Irish border most intriguing. We would love to hear more of these truly amazing ideas in person and at length. Please accept our invite to speak directly to our residents any time in the very near future. You wouldn’t believe how eager we all are to meet you face to face. Sincerely, the Falls Road Residents Association’ read the invite Mogg has yet to respond to.

Sources close to the bargain bin Mr. Bean suggested that the majority of residents across Northern Ireland will be intrigued by Mogg’s ideas for a frictionless border that likely involve armed soldiers dragging people out of cars and politely asking them at gunpoint where they are going and why, which is just the ideal experience any and all citizens of the United Kingdom should be happy to be subjected to on a day-to-day basis.

Mogg, most well known on the island of Ireland for knowing absolutely nothing about Ireland and Northern Ireland and ceaselessly explaining why Brexit will be an amazing success, recently hit the headlines again as a firm he help set up, Somerset Capital Management (SCM), confirmed their move to Dublin in a bid to offset the impending economic disaster that is Brexit.

Waterford Whispers News reached out to Mogg for comment but he was unable to answer after several silver spoons became accidentally wedged in his mouth, making speaking intelligibly impossible.