Nation One Riverdance Moment Away From Losing The Run Of Itself

A WORRYING report published by the Recurring Trend Institute of Ireland (RTII) has warned that the nation is just one ‘Riverdance moment’ away from losing the run of itself, WWN can confirm.

The 76-page report, which followed financial and confidence trends in Irish society, found that the country is dangerously close to pre-1995 levels, the year that Riverdance sent millions of Irish people into such a state of self-belief and pride, that they quickly became overly confident and cocky, thus causing the boom and ultimate crash of the economy.

“Only in the last few years have we pinpointed the main cause of Ireland’s sudden belief in itself,” RTII researcher Dr. Kevin Richardson wrote in the report’s conclusion. “Although it felt great at the time, Riverdance acted as a sort of pure base cocaine for many people in Ireland, giving them the courage they needed to tackle even the most unachievable tasks.

“State broadcaster RTÉ are also partly to blame here for topping up the Irish public every now and then with clips, or small doses of Riverdance, keeping the nation topped up on the euphoria of that spectacular moment of Irish Irishness. If this happens again, we’re all doomed”.

In the hopes of curtailing a repeat of Ireland losing the run of itself, Dr. Richardson has called on the government to set up an emergency broadcast termination switch, which can shut down all forms of media in an instant, in case of a Riverdance type moment occurring.

“The nation is happily broken right now from the recession, and we need to keep it this way,” he added, “we should seriously think about opting out of future Eurovisions, football tournaments and even cricket games, such is the level we’re at now”.

The report found that 300,000 people may have died as a direct result of Riverdance since it aired in February 1995.