Man Stretching Before 5-A-Side Match Must Be Amazing
A 5-A-SIDE footballer who has gone to the trouble of partaking in an elaborate stretching routine must be an ex-professional who plied his trade in several of Europe’s top leagues, amateur players playing alongside him have concluded.
Gavin Drennan, “Kev’s mate from work”, was a last minute call up when several people cried off earlier today, and immediately marked himself out as an elite athlete upon arriving onto the astro turf.
“Jesus, he’s fairly deep into that groin stretch, isn’t he,” remarked one 5-a-side player who can’t remember the last time he properly stretched before twonking a ball around a caged field of play for an hour or so.
Drennan was so focused on his stretching routine, he refused to be drawn into any pre-match chat or banter, preferring instead to stand to one side to stretch limbs other players had no idea even existed.
“Fuck me, he’s good,” remarked another player as Drennan pulled his foot behind his knees to stretch his thighs without even needing to lean one hand on the wall of the astro pitch.
Speculation mounted as to the style of football Drennan would seek to play, but judging from the excessive stretching it is believed he will ruthlessly pursue a high pressing, aggressive tempo which will never let up as he harries the opposition before taking the game by the scruff of the neck and carrying his team to victory.