Free Stater Disgusted By ‘Nordy Stuff’

A COUNTY Kilkenny man has said he is absolutely appalled by the recent spate of violence in the North, and called on “nordies to cop onto themselves” if they want people down south to care about their silly cause.

Speaking with his mouth earlier, Daniel Casey admitted he could not understand why everyone “up there” can’t get along with each other and live peacefully without all this “silly unrest”.

“They all should chill out and go for a pint,” the champion of the people explained, who got a grade D2 on history in his 2004 Leaving Cert paper, “you wouldn’t see any of that auld shite down here – we’re too civilised.

“Bunch of fucking animals is all they are, throwing petrol bombs at police, giving us hard working decent Catholics down here a bad name”.

Disorder broke out in Derry after 12th of July Orange Order marches made their way across the city earlier in the day, raising tensions once again between both sides of the 400-year-old fence.

“You’d think they’d get over that whole occupation thing by now,” Casey added, who felt bad for England losing to Croatia in the World Cup semi finals this week, “Republicans should move back down here if they’re so annoyed about lads in orange sashes having a little parade. It’s only a colour, lads, grow up for God’s sakes”.

Despite Mr. Casey’s proposal for everyone to just go for pints, over 200 people threw over 70 petrol bombs, shot off sub-machine gun rounds and fired 4 fully loaded pipe bombs at police, while torching countless vehicles; inadvertently sending Northern Ireland back 30 years.

“Ah, they’ll be grand once the drink wears off,” the man who has never travelled past county Cavan concluded.