“These Are Our Roads Now” Insist Farmers ​

THE nation’s farmers have confirmed that Irish rural roads are theirs now for the next few months while they do whatever it is they do be doing with their large and very slow agricultural machinery.

Speaking on the phone to WWN while taking up the entire breadth of a country road, chairman of the Farming Association of Ireland, Tadhg O’Shea, advised motorists to simply “stay out of his fucking way” while he and his peers haul large quantities of silage from one location to another.

“These are our roads now,” O’Shea began, while blatantly ignoring all three mirrors on his untaxed tractor as a large stream of irate car drivers loomed behind him, “you people should probably think about just sticking to the motorways for the next few months, as we’ll be fairly busy eroding these country ones down to nothing while lacing them with large amounts of shite we’ll never be fined for”.

Forcing an oncoming Nissan Micra into the ditch as he took a bend on the other side of the road, O’Shea posed the question why cars are allowed on country roads in the first place.

“The roads around here are only fit for tractors and large machinery,” he pointed out, now laughing at the thoughts, “imagine actually paying road tax for this crap, spending your journey avoiding potholes, praying to Padre Pio on the dash that you don’t die by being hit head-on by a combine harvester – best stick to the good roads for the remainder of the season, guys, we’ve got subsidies to earn here”.