HSE Aiming For 1,000th Person On Trolley Record

MISTAKENLY thinking they are in line for some massive bonus, senior HSE management have said they will do everything in their power to do nothing to alleviate the current trolley crisis in A&E which first sneaked up on the health service and the government out of nowhere about a decade or so ago.

“700 plus patients on trolleys is a record and we’re delighted, but imagine if it was 1,000 patients? It just sounds so much better,” explained one senior manager who misread ‘run the health service well’ as ‘run the health service well into the ground’.

With a record number of patients currently on trolleys, a modest portion of the health service budget will be spent on celebrating the milestone.

“We’re probably going to attach a balloon to every trolley, it’ll really lift the spirits of pensioners in A&E who are probably a bit down thinking about how after working and paying taxes for 40 years, this is how their country treats them,” shared one HSE executive, who could barely contain his misplaced excitement.

The continued contrast between Ireland outwardly claiming to be a prosperous, modern nation and its dysfunctional health service which serves up daily indignities to the injured and infirm has given the government pause for thought, and sparked a new focus and determination to solve the problem.

“We decided to gather together experts on health services, experts on patient care, experts in medicine etc and we propose to ask them how to better run the health service. And once they put their solutions on the table we vow to tell them we’ve no money and then just walk away,” a spokesperson for the Department of Health explained to WWN earlier today.