“I’m Just Used To The Fucking State Of The Place” Waterford Quays Objection Filed

AN Bórd Pleanála has confirmed that 3 valid objections to the development plans for Waterford’s North Quays have been received and will take up to 18 weeks for them to make a decision.

Despite Waterford City & County Council publicly stating no objection was received last Thursday evening, allowing Taoiseach Leo Varadkar to deliver the good news to Waterford’s WIT arena the following day, two valid objections were suddenly flagged the moment his speech had ended, the council later blaming “processing” for the convenient delay.

“I’m just used to the fucking state of the place,” the first valid objection read, sent in by a serial objector who admitted to just loving the attention he gets every time he objects to projects in his area.

“All those years of high rates of unemployment, looking at dilapidated infrastructure and the general neglect from investors and government departments kinda grows on you, you know? And of course that feeling of power I get knowing that a 300 million euro project is being held up because of little old me – that really gets my rocks off”.

Disregarding the 53,501 Waterford residents who didn’t object, An Bórd Pleanála stated they will now begin “processing” the three objections, and hope to be finished reading them sometime in September, whenever everyone in the department gets back from their summer holidays.

“Sure, 53,501 in favour to 3 not in favour may sound like a no-brainer win for the development, but we have to hear these people out,” a source at An Bórd Pleanála explained, “takes ages to read those forms, and our printer is on the blink, so it could take even longer”.

Meanwhile, a government think tank has suggested rebranding Ireland 2040 as Ireland 2100, just to be safe.