Children Now Demanding Communion Money In Bitcoin


FIRST class pupils at St. Agatha’s NS in Waterford have issued a statement clearly outlining exactly how they would like to receive their First Communion money, after the market-savvy youngsters spotted the potential in making a killing on cryptocurrency.

The thirty-eight children, aged between 7 and 8, have told their teacher Mrs. Kennelly to pool all incoming revenue from family and friends into one central pot, which will then be split evenly into two investment pools: one which will purchase Bitcoin outright, and one which will go towards a high-powered computer which they will then use to mine even more of the currency.

With each child expected to receive around €1,000 in cold hard cash on the day that they first receive the blessed sacrament of the Eucharist, economists in third class have calculated that the bright young pupils could stand to make over a million euro each if they play the market correctly.

“If you flip to ethereum at the right time before Bitcoin falls and then re-invest when it’s on the way back up, you could be looking at some serious cash,” said one pupil we talked to during little break.

“Bitcoin, it’s not just some made-up computer thing that people can buy hats with- it’s looking increasingly like this is how the marketplace will look from now on, and these kids are in the right place to secure their financial well-being for the rest of their lives”.

UPDATE: The children have been told by their teacher to ‘stop talking all that computer game nonsense’ and to focus on what’s really important for their futures, namely a piece of bread that also doubles as the embodiment of God’s son.