Meet The Team Behind Airbrushing The Kardashians Social Media Posts
A BUSINESS empire that spans the globe and has conquered the fashion and beauty world, the Kardashian clan are the envy of all right-minded people.
Combining effortless glamour and beauty with the courageous promotion of a body positive image, Kim, Kris, Khloe, Kourtney, Kylie and Kendall have blazed a trail to help a new generation of women own their curves but it has not been without its cost.
“Freelance photoshopping was costing too much, if they hired a full time firm the savings over the long term would be massive,” an insider said of the business savvy women, “think about it; you only see the selfies that make the grade and get posted online but each and every one of the 47,000 photos they take daily have to go through a rigorous approval process overseen by thousands, touched up and adjusted over hours in a bid to project that perfect, off the cuff moment of casual and natural beauty they do so much to promote and reinforce. People love those quick effortless selfies that take 14 hours of work to perfect”.
But just who is the team behind helping Kim and the others to look perfect so other women can know it’s okay to embrace all their imperfections and be body confident?
This is where Klever Kardashian Kelfies, or KKK, as they’re more commonly known steps in.
“Yeah, we just gave ‘clever’ and ‘selfies’ a ‘K’ and changed the business name and they hired us instantly, we didn’t even have to pitch or anything,” explained Klever Kardashian Kelfies owner Martin Jorgensson.
“After securing the contract, we were able to expand the business and hire the leading experts in photoshop and airbrushing. What was a small team of 45 expanded to 1,113 to accommodate the amount of work from the Kardashians we knew we’d have to take on,” added Jorgensson, a sage and wise Swedish man who turned to photoshopping famous people who wanted to look like they didn’t use photoshop at all. He amazingly did this after he went blind, aged 11.
On rumours that the contract he signed to become the sole provider of photo touch ups and altering is worth as much as $100 million per year?
“You’re quite close to the actual figure, but it’s not a cheap thing we do; it’s a tough job. This includes the selfies that are put out to show they have flaws too, just like everyone else. They want to show how they are like everyone else and that’s why we touch those ‘flawed selfies’ down, we’re a unique photo composition adjustment technician company in that sense. It only takes 3 hours at most. We’re also unique in that we only hire orphans and raise them from birth in caves after we blind them, you know, just your typical employee hiring tactic,” Jorgensson added calmly as he guided us through his office building with 22,000 sq feet of floor space.
“I think people overplay what we do, it’s just a small simple process. When we get the photos sent to us to airbrush, the real heroes, the makeup artists, have been working for about 3 days straight getting the contouring just right”.
A constant hive of activity as thousands of freshly snapped selfies from the Kardashian clan are sent in, ready to be given the natural, not-touched-up look. But something seemed amiss; there were no female employees and why were they all wearing yellow?
“It’s actually ‘kellow’ the Kardashians claimed to have invented a new colour and we’re not going to bother arguing with them. Why only male employees? We found blinded female orphans we set to work on the photos from age 3 began feeling conflicted about their work and were often reluctant to call any blemish on the female body an ‘imperfection’, so now we are an exclusively male operation,” Jorgensson explained before being drowned out by a loud alarm.
“Sorry, it’s all hands on deck now,” Jorgensson said, sprinting at full speed despite being blind.
Hundreds of kellow-clad workers crowding around a giant screen; one of the dreaded ‘I just woke up like this and want to convey I’m just like you when I have no make up on’ selfie had been sent in by Kim. Screams of panic went around the office.
“You’ll have to finish the tour by yourself, we’ll be working on this for hours,” explained Jorgensson.
The experience left a sour taste in my mouth; the idea that these inspirational women could seek to conceal their true appearance while outwardly telling others that true beauty comes only from within. The sole solace I could find as I left Klever Kardashians Kelfies was that the public would be too smart to fall for such a cheap and obvious trick.