Tony Blair Inundated With Small Bottles Of Poison


THE office of former British prime minister Tony Blair has urged people to stop posting in small bottles of poison, as there is no more room left after several tonnes of various types of deadly liquids have been delivered in the post over the past two days.

Over 40,000 parcels were handled by staff at the 64-year-old’s business address in London, the senders spurred on by news on Wednesday that Bosnian-Croat warlord, Slobodan Praljak, downed an unknown substance moments after his 20-year sentence for war crimes was upheld. Praljak died shortly afterwards.

“Seriously, if Tony was to kill himself, it would be fast and painless,” a spokesperson rightfully pointed out, “and anyway, if he was ever convicted of war crimes, he wouldn’t get anywhere near a 20-year sentence – Tony is way too wealthy and British for that kind of thing to happen to him in this day and age”.

After yesterday’s incident in the Hague, there have been renewed calls for Mr. Blair to face charges over the unlawful invasion of Iraq in 2003, where over half a million people lost their lives, with the Chilcot inquiry even calling for his prosecution, along with former foreign secretary Jack Straw and the former attorney general Lord Goldsmith.

“Look, George Bush made them do it, so maybe send some over to him and the CIA,” added the spokesman, “Tony and the lads just fell into bad company is all, and he was influenced by the bigger boys”.

A private criminal prosecution against the former Labour prime minister was blocked in 2016 when it was ruled Mr. Blair would have immunity from any criminal charges, which were brought on in the name of a former top Iraqi general and sought to try the multi-millionaire former prime minister for the crime of aggression.