Mugabe Agrees To 4-Day Week As Dictator

A FRESH SPRINKLING of hope has been sprayed on the negotiations between Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe and the military, as Mugabe, 93, has confirmed he will switch to a 4-day week as dictator.

Many had feared the situation in Zimbabwe could turn violent if Mugabe, who has ruled for more than 40 years, would continue to refuse to step aside and allow for a transition of power.

However, in a similar move to how businesses deal with a high-powered manager who just can’t do his job well at all, Mugabe has been given a desk at the back of the presidential office away from everyone and will be allowed to sit in on important meetings, as long as they aren’t on a Friday because that’s when his weekends now start.

“We’ll start with indulging his input in meetings, but as the weeks go on we’ll listen less and less and just humour him and tell him his ideas for suppression of opposition parties will be taken on board, but really we’ll just be getting on with things ourselves,” confirmed one spokesperson for the military.

The military were coy on whether they would let Mugabe continue to make public speeches, but confirmed he would of course be welcome at this year’s Christmas party.

Rumours persist that Mugabe has been sacked as leader of the ruling Zanu-PF party, something a spokesperson for the party was happy to clarify.

“Shush, are you trying to start a war? Robert hasn’t been fired, we’re calling this more of a sideways move, a transitional period of management realignment. His input is still greatly appreciated and will be invaluable as we move forward,” confirmed the spokesperson as he sized up Mugabe’s office for himself.