Ireland Officially Gives Up Football


AFTER a dismal display at tonight’s World Cup qualifier in the Aviva stadium, the entire nation of Ireland has decided to call it a day and announce its retirement from international football, declaring its intention to ‘finally get its shit together and get on with its life’.

Binning hundreds of thousands worth of merchandise, ranging from silly green leprechaun hats to Italia 90 coin albums, Ireland’s solemn-faced citizens hauntingly joined in chorus one last time for their old favourite The Fields Of Athenry, before reflecting on all the time wasted on the so-called “greatest game on earth”.

“We could start a world hurling league,” voiced one desperate man, who admitted to also being open to following the cricket if we got better at it, “yeah, that’s it, we would be world champions at something then”.

The majority of hardcore Irish football supporters stated they will still continue being sound while away on holidays, despite not attending any football game.

“A fair chunk of us left the match last night with 15 minutes to go, but we’re still the best fans in the world,” confirmed one man whose days of featuring in hilarious banter-heavy videos shared in the Irish media may be behind him.

This morning the FAI made Ireland’s decision to retire from international football official with a carefully worded statement.

“Ah fuck, well you saw the match didn’t you?” confirmed Ireland’s football association. Several supporters who talked of ‘regrouping’ and ‘giving Euro 2020 all we’ve got’ have been banned from talking for the foreseeable future as the Nation just tries to move on with its life in peace.