Irish Fans To Be Sold To Highest Bidding Country Going To World Cup


A REVENUE generating measure sought by the Irish public will see our good-natured football supporters sold to the highest bidder on eBay, with the highly anticipated auction closing at midnight tonight.

Starting at an opening bid of €100 million, The Green Army, has had only one previous owner, Ireland, but has acquitted itself well at 6 major tournaments and is described as a ‘unique tool in promotional marketing for a country’.

“Do you feel like your country could do with a reputation boost? Are looking to feature in 14,789 articles on for any reasons ranging from singing a song to sneezing? We’ve got the 50,000 fans you’ve been waiting for,” read the advert, which confirms The Green Army is in mint condition despite previous high profile use at Euro 2016.

Countries such as Spain, Russia, France and Germany are all said to be interested in tabling a bid, however, England has been excluded from the bidding process as The Green Army confirmed it ‘still has some pride left’.

“If your fans are absolutely shite craic altogether, this could be an ideal purchase. The Irish fans are actually already in Russia awaiting their new owner, and have already engaged in gas banter such as overthrowing Vladimir Putin and putting him on trial for war crimes,” explained Jason O’Dwyer, the man tasked with handling the sale of the fans through eBay.

“And I’ve been asked this question a lot by bidders, but rest assured Ireland’s football ‘style’ is not included with the purchase of the fans”.

While some bidding countries who have qualified for the World Cup might be put off by the no refund or return policy, at the highly reasonable price of €100 million many believe the purchase to be the steal of the century.

When asked what the money would go towards, Ireland was its usual candid self.

“Cans,” confirmed Ireland.