Teenager Enters 2nd Hour Of Keeping New White Trainers Absolutely Spotless


A DEEPLY cautious and paranoid Waterford teenager is currently entering his second hour of protecting the pristine cleanliness of his brand new white trainers, WWN can report.

Weary of all floor-based surfaces, 15-year-old Cormac Clanney, has strategically placed one trepidatious foot in front of the other in the 123 minutes since he first laced up his new pair of white Nikes, bought by his mother in a transaction she described as a ‘total fucking rip off’.

“Cormac’s appealed to the public to keep at least 5 metres away from him and his new kicks, which are ‘lit as fuck’, according to Cormac,” confirmed the teenager’s bemused older brother Fintan, who has tried on multiple occasions to stomp on the runners in the hope of marking them with a scuff.

Onlookers have reported that Cormac is under the impression that a pristine pair of trainers have the ability to imbue him with a level of coolness that can elevate his social status, which he has previously found hard to come by.

“I just can’t wait the girls to see them, I look fuckin’ class,” confirmed Cormac, who does look class in fairness, and is all too aware of the correlation between keeping your runners looking brand new and being viewed as cool by your peers.

“Mark has a rotten old pair of Converse, Jade won’t be so into him once she sees me in these bad boys”, concluded Cormac who has now taken to ambulating on his hands, keeping his feet in the air and away from all dirt, puddles, and muck.