Govt Moves To Combat White Collar Crime, As Long As They’re Not Bankers


THE IRISH government has pledged to tackle white collar crime, as long as it doesn’t involve punishing banking institutions and their employees, WWN can reveal.

A package of 28 actions to combat corporate, economic and regulatory offences will see the office of the Director of Corporate Enforcement become an independent agency and it is hoped that with the passing of legislation poorly argued cases in court on behalf of the State will be a thing of the past.

However, a government spokesperson confirmed that the proposed law changes will not affect bankers, financial institutions, insurance firms, big pharma or tech companies currently operating in Ireland.

“The banks have a lot to worry about at the minute, it’d be awful if we added to it by making them adhere to stuff, stuff like laws and regulations,” confirmed the spokesperson.

“Make no mistake though, we’re going to be coming down like a tonne of bricks on white collar crime. We wouldn’t be surprised now if a local vegetable merchant was to end up in jail again after applying the wrong VAT to garlic. This is the government of the people after all,” added the spokesperson.

Those members of the public fearing for bankers who break the law in hundreds of ways have been told to rest easy as solicitors acting on behalf of the Nation’s financial institutions are already hard at work.

“Oh, we’ve spotted like 50 loopholes in the proposed legislation already, there’s going to be so many new ways to technically break the law and just get away with it,” one solicitor WWN spoke to confirmed.