Garda Breathlyser Revealed To Be Empty Ribena Cartons


THE Garda breathalyser scandal took another turn today, after it was revealed that the equipment being used by roadside Gardaí to check motorists was actually an empty cardboard juice box with some buttons drawn on the side.

The revelation goes some way to explaining why statistics for nearly two million breath tests that never took place were lodged by Gardaí over the course of a decade, as the tests seldom took place using an actual breathalyser.

Members of a special committee set up to get to the bottom of the scandal once and for all made the discovery after interviewing a number of people whose names and vehicle registration details showed up on the system, and subsequently suggested that poor Garda funding meant that almost 100% of tests were carried out using a Ribena carton.

“I remember thinking, this tastes a bit blackcurrant-ey,” said one motorist, who preferred to remain anonymous.

“The Guard said, keep blowing until I say stop. I could just see the carton expanding , I’m thinking this thing is going to fucking pop. You couldn’t see it was a Ribena box because they’d drawn all over it in marker. Then the Guard just said ‘ok, you can go on now’, and pretended to be pushing buttons on the carton”.

The findings come just days after it was revealed that the Garda supply of pepper spray is actually just silly string.