Bertie Ahern Officially Told To Fuck Off With Himself In Moving Ceremony

THE IRISH public has banded together in their millions to put on a hastily assembled event at which former Taoiseach, and current rejoining Fianna Fáil hopeful Bertie Ahern was the guest of honour, WWN has learned.

“We thought he’d get the message after the last 50 times we told him to fuck off,” explained one member of the public who was in the middle of erecting a giant poster of Ahern with an X through it, “but it’s not getting through to him, amazingly”.

Staged in the grounds of Dublin Castle, the moving ceremony saw Ahern sat down once and for all and unequivocally told no one will vote for him if he were to run for local council or President of Ireland.

Aggressive dogs on leashes were then produced and Ahern was given a 60 second head start.

“Being able to honour the man who invented Ireland or whatever he’s fucking telling people abroad, well, it brings a tear to my eye,” admitted another Irish citizen WWN spoke with.

While it may seem like the Irish public has an overwhelming feeling of animosity towards the former Fianna Fáil leader, some were quick to defend their stance.

“Remember that time he told people warning of the economy overheating to commit suicide? He’s gas in fairness, he’d be much better than Micheal D as President,” added one person, who upon reflection was probably being sarcastic.

Despite the moving ceremony, Ahern is expected to return in a few months to talk about returning to politics at some point.