Click Here To Find Out What Your Exes Are Up To Now


FEEL you’re not getting enough info about your exes through the traditional channels of incessant Facebook and social media stalking? Or can’t seem to track them down after they unfriended you five years ago? WWN is on hand to keep you up to date with everything your exes are up to now. If you don’t need any help finding out what your exes are up to, well then, just don’t be creepy about your online stalking, okay?


Aw God, remember him? You really were madly in love with him, bless. Eh, let’s see, he’s…oh, eh, no, he’s definitively not more successful than you in his professional career. That is absolutely something he is not. He also definitely hasn’t really grown into his looks at all. His new haircut doesn’t suit him perfectly, and his eyes aren’t bluer than you remember. Looks shite in a sharp suit now after losing that weight. Yeah, he lost weight, not loads though, he doesn’t have a 6-pack. He barely has a 6-pack. God, yeah, the mind boggles why you were into him at all. What a loser.


You have to feel sorry for Keeva. After she told you to fuck off after you cheated on her, it was all down hill from there. We got into her Facebook page there ‘cus one of our friends is friends with her and it doesn’t make for pretty viewing, that much is true. For example, she’s no longer the prettiest woman you ever went out with it, and oh God love her, she definitely isn’t married to that guy she worked with that you always knew was a much more decent person than you. She doesn’t have two kids at all, at all.

No she, eh, she’s up in court in a few weeks, yeah, awful business, she was caught molesting some strawberries in the fruit and veg section of Tesco. Yup, that is a completely true thing she was definitely arrested for doing. Lucky escape buddy.


Aside from not spelling it ‘Geoff’ he really was the perfect guy. ‘Was’ being the telling word here because he fucked his life up royally after you ended things with him. He’s always posting pictures to his private Instagram account which just screams you’re the one that got away, there’s one of him there in Times Square. Oh yeah, he moved to New York, remember, like the two of you said you would, and instead of opening up a Mexican restaurant like he said, he’s dating a Mexican model instead. Typical Jeff, could never fully follow through on what he said he was going to do. Good riddance. Oh, and he’s no longer dynamite in the sack.


Still a bitch.


Doesn’t go by ‘Johnno’ anymore, so safe to say he’s not the fun loving guy he once was. No, unfortunately, he’s the resident killjoy at that new charity he set up. Always banging on about solving this, that and the other. In no way better than you as a person, in fact, he’s probably an inferior person for moving on with his life and doing something worthwhile with it. What happened to just chilling out hungover on the couch of a Sunday? Oh, and he probably has an STD or something, does that make you feel better? Okay, cool, STD it is.


Dunno if you want to read this one pal, it’s pretty grim. She hasn’t even got a fella. No new beau to wean herself off you, which is sad. There’s stuff in there about travelling to 50 countries in the last 3 years, but it’s mostly stuff that’d make you cry. Not in the ‘I still miss her, can’t stop thinking about her way’ just more the ‘oh 3 weeks in the Maldives…are you really happy?’ kind of way, the poor lamb. Her pics from Morocco, Butan, Chile and the Seychelles don’t even have decent filters on them.

That missed call from a weird foreign number you got 3 months ago was probably her ringing you when she was in Nepal, she was probably missing you. It definitely wasn’t a scam call anyway. Gah, don’t feel bad, some people move on, like you have. You obviously have, but some people don’t and instead, throw themselves into having the best three years of their life like poor, sad little Laura has. It’s her we feel sorry for.