5 Ways To Amuse Yourself If You’ve Been Left With No Electricity
ARE you living in one of 360,000 homes in Ireland left with no electricity in the aftermath of Storm Ophelia? Well then, it’s unlikely you’re able to read this, but on the off chance a kindly neighbour has printed this electronic news article out for you, please do read on.
It can be a trying and boring time; those moments living without power so WWN is on hand to help amuse yourself and your family or fellow housemates:
5) Stare for hours at a candle dancing seductively in the wind
When you started staring at this candle 6 hours ago, it wasn’t dancing seductively at all, but you’re slowly going mad and if you’re not mistaken that sultry dripping of wax is all for your benefit. That Yankee Candle Autumn Leaves is such a flirt.
4) Say something like ‘let’s play a board game’
This is an excellent use of time and energy, once someone pipes up with the suggestion you could well have several hours of non-stop shouting and arguing ahead of you. Oh how the time will fly.
3) Identify the weak link and consume their flesh
Who in your electricity-less house is the weakest link? If you don’t know the answer, then it’s you, and you’re about 5 minutes away from being eaten by your family who don’t want to be known down the town as the village cannibals but needs must.
2) Break out that box set of Mrs. Brown’s Boys
Three years ago it may have seemed like the worst Christmas present you had ever received in your life, and has since sat unloved on a shelf beside your emergency supply of cyanide tablets. But now, it can become the centrepiece to a roaring fire which can keep your loved ones warm.
1) Hang on, why do you have cyanide tablets?
Look, you’re only going to be without access to Facebook, Snapchat and Instagram for another day or two tops. Woah, put down the tablets, we’ll fucking send you a few likes in the post. Why not put make-up on like it’s a Snapchat filter of some sort? Listen, step away from the cyanide you bought on eBay 10 years ago from VladISBad89. Here, take our phone, please, anything to help you. That’s it, look at you there now taking power outage selfies. Happy out.