President Higgins Unaccounted For After Wild Kangaroo Puts Him In Pouch & Flees Scene


WHILE focus in Ireland today was meant to be on Budget 2018, the headlines will be dominated by the still unknown whereabouts of President Micheal D Higgins, who is on an official state visit to Australia.

Admiring the local flora and fauna in the Queensland area of Australia, the President is believed to have been mistaken for a baby kangaroo, known as a joey, by some wild kangaroos before being placed in one of their pouches.

“He was keen to get out into nature in between his official engagements, we’re very worried now, the kangaroo seemed to form a maternal bond with him immediately, which isn’t hard to imagine since he’s so well liked everywhere he goes,” one presidential aide told WWN, before outlining the efforts to recover the president.

Irish security personnel have been heavily criticised for their failure to protect the president, with many pointing out something like this was always going to be a risk.

“Queensland officials have been very helpful, they have a man tracking him now out there, he’s wearing the hide of a kangaroo to fit in so I think he knows what he’s doing,” added the aide, “the real danger is that the pouch proves very comfortable and Michael doesn’t want to go home at all, so time is of the essence”.

WWN requests for comment from Australian officials were abrupt after we asked if this was the first time a president was kidnapped by a kangaroo.

“Oh, what do you think we are, just an assemblage of derogatory stereotypes? You can fuck off,” one official said, while tending to a shrimp on a barbecue, shortly after concluding his morning surf which involved punching a shark in the face, that was clearly inebriated after downing several goons.