“Here, I’ll Give You A Tax Cut If You Promise Not To Moan About Homelessness”


THE Taoiseach has begun indicating through the official arm of the government’s communications department, known locally as the media, that it is his intention to bestow upon middle income earners a tax break in exchange for a reduction in the number of people caring about real solutions to homelessness and the housing crisis.

“We’re not sure why they care in the first place, the people who get up early in the morning typically vote and are never at risk of becoming homeless. Honestly, we’re genuinely baffled at the fact some of these people who earn real people salaries taxed at the higher rate of 40% are showing empathy for those less fortunate than themselves,” explained one government spokesperson we refused to take a photo of for an easy PR boost.

With a mooted tax break in the offing, many members of the public have already expressed their displeasure at such a thinly veiled attempt to buy off their silence and secure their vote in the next general election in exchange from sort of dialing down all concern about the expanding homelessness crisis.

“Wait, how much of a tax break? Like enough to pay for a holiday or what?” queried Andrew Murran, in a lengthy diatribe aimed at the government’s failure to act on homelessness, housing and the HSE.

“You know what, the more I think about it, these Fine Gael lads have it right. And you’ve seen the sorts who are claiming to be homeless anyway, haven’t you? A lot of them have… accents, ya know?” Murran added, insulted by the Taoiseach’s naked play for people’s votes, in a time when investment in public services and infrastructure is needed over token tax cuts.

As public continue to rage against the attempts to divide and conquer the electorate by defining every one by their social standing, many have angrily lambasted the government by shouting ‘woah, wait a minute, let’s hear more about this tax cut business’ in the direction of Leinster House.