Doctors Baffled As Dublin Man Has 10 Shades Of Shit Kicked Out Of Him


DOCTORS in St Vincent’s hospital in Dublin have had to seek a specialist opinion from their US counterparts this week after a young man was admitted to A&E following a terrible beating, which forced 10 separate shades of shit to evacuate his intestines.

Daniel Murphy, with an inner city address not that it says anything about him, was walking down O’Connell Street when the attack happened in broad daylight in front of dozens of shocked eyewitnesses.

“Two young men in hoodies approached him asking to use his phone, but he declined,” recalled one man who was walking behind the victim, “then they tried to take his phone but he resisted and lashed out. Before I knew it there were five lads on top of him, kicking the absolute shit out of him”.

CCTV footage of the scene showed several passersby slipping on the multi-coloured excrement as the unconscious man lay on the street.

“I’ve never seen so many colours of shit like that,” one man who slipped in the mess explained, “there was amber shit, beige shit, chestnut shit, cocoa shit, caramel shit, khaki shit, taupe shit, rosey brown shit and if I’m not mistaken, there was even a smokey topaz shit – which is very dark brown in colour and unmistakable”.

Gardaí later arrested one teenager, but released him soon afterwards due to him being under 16 and only having 35 convictions, 10 convictions short of being eligible for juvenile detention.

Mr. Murphy, who is now in a critical but stable condition in hospital, is said to still be passing 10 different colours of intestinal waste, a medical first of its kind.

“We’ve never seen someone to get ten colours of shit kicked out of him, so its quite a special case,” Dr. Muhammad Petal told WWN, “we have stored his stool samples for future medical researchers to look at, but for now we have no idea why he’s shitting like that”.

He is expected to make a full recovery.