Adams Vows To Hold Sinn Féin Back For Another Few Years

SINN FÉIN leader Gerry Adams has today confirmed he will again seek nomination as the party’s president, promising to hold them back from progressing on from their questionable past for another few years, while he concentrates on finalising his Republican legacy.

Unhappy with the party’s current options for leadership, Adams, if re-elected, said he will be examining a handover to the next generation at some point, whenever he “gets a break from being such a legendary icon for the cause”.

“Whomever my successor will be, they will have a pretty big balaclava to fill,” Adams told a meeting of his party’s elected representatives, who nervously applauded in anticipation of hearing who would be next in line for the Sinn Féin throne, “obviously, no one here is ready yet to run as leader,” now staring down a red-faced Mary Lou McDonald, “but whomever it is, will have to be trained in and hand-picked by me, because let’s face it; I am the best at this and no one else can do it”.

Adams, 69, has been president of Sinn Féin since 1983 after definitely not spending anytime as leader of the IRA, during which time only about several innocent people lost their lives at the hands of the organisation.

“I could probably step down now and let the next leader move the party on from whatever past the majority of the Irish public believe I have had, which is all bull, by the way, ” he said, “but I have an ego to nurture, and legacies don’t write themselves. If I stepped down now we’d probably get into a power sharing government, and sure what good would that be if I wasn’t at the helm?”

Mr Adams also stressed that Sinn Féin will not allow the Northern Ireland Assembly to sit again unless there is a plan for an Irish Language Act, reiterating the point that a new Sinn Féin leader would probably bow to pressure from the DUP and fall into their Protestant trap.