Island Of Guam Just Happy To Be In The News


THE residents of the US Pacific territory of Guam have admitted to being secretly happy at the island’s recent news exposure, despite nuclear threats from North Korea.

Officials from the hermit state said it is considering plans for a missile strike on the little known territory, just hours after President Donald Trump told the North that any threat to the United States would be met with “fire and fury”.

“Oh my God, are you guys CNN?” one female resident approached with her child, now fixing her hair for the camera, “we don’t get many TV crews around here, you know, with all the secret US military stuff on the island. Boy, will I be famous now after this? Hello mum!”

Guam currently harbours a sophisticated squadron of US submarines, an airbase and a Coast Guard group, all in missile range of North Korea – a situation all too familiar to American military history.

“Could this be the new Pearl Harbour?.. Yes!” put Guam native Andrew Nimeisa, “And look at the great tourism it brought to Hawaii after it was bombed. I say bring it on Kim Jong-un. Nothing much ever goes on here anyway. We won’t mind the bit of exposure, whether it be media or nuclear. Please put our island on the map and bomb us”.

The UN Security Council unanimously imposed new sanctions on North Korea on Saturday over its continued missile tests, which is against international law, apparently, despite countries like the US, UK and Russia continuously testing missiles without sanctions being imposed on them.

“Only responsible superpowers with lots of money and allies are allowed to test missiles,” explained a UN Security spokesman, “everyone knows that”.