Breast Cancer Happy To Wait Without Spreading Until You Get Your Appointment


IN a move that will come as a relief to many Irish women, cancer of the breast has come forward today and issued a statement in which it promises to ‘hold steady’ from the time it first gets detected to the time it takes to be diagnosed in an Irish hospital.

The announcement comes following this week’s damning indictment of the HSE which revealed that some Irish women have been waiting for up to a year to get a breast cancer diagnosis following initial assessment.

Questions raised in the Dáil brought the matter to light, with Sinn Féin TD Pearse Doherty outlining some 700 patients in his constituency that had been referred to their local hospital for scans, only to be left waiting three months and in some cases, up to 12 months for assessment.

To quell fears that it would use this time to develop and spread around the body, breast cancer has kindly come forward and said that it will not metastasize while women wait on HSE appointments.

“I mean, I’m bad, but I’m not ‘Irish health service bad'” stated the disease, one of the most common killers of women in the country.

“So yeah, if you feel a lump and your doctor puts you on a year-long waiting list, I’ll just fall back and relax for the 12 months. Don’t let me rush anyone!”

In a refreshing turn of events, Minister for Health Simon Harris is available for comment on the matter right HERE.