DUP Wear Suits Covered In £1,000 Notes Into Stormont Negotiations With Sinn Féin


HOPES for an agreement between the DUP and Sinn Féin aimed at returning power sharing to Northern Ireland have taken a fresh blow, as WWN has learned an incredibly smug looking DUP negotiation team entered today’s talks wearing suits made of £1,000 notes.

Fresh from extorting £1 billion from a desperate British Prime Minister, the DUP, who are still operating under the cloud of allegations of corruption, arrived to the negotiating table with Sinn Féin in impeccably tailored suits, which appeared to be made entirely out of cash.

“Oh, these? They’re just old suits we had laying around, Tesco I think,” explained DUP leader Arlene Foster when asked by Sinn Féin MLAs about the brand new suits which still had price tags visible.

This latest alleged hiccup in negotiations could give rise to speculation that the £1 billion obtained by the DUP may not be distributed evenly throughout Northern Irish communities in the 6 counties, and that perhaps the DUP, with its troubled relationship with constantly finding itself accused of corruption, may not be the best fit to handle the money.

“Sorry, you’ll have to speak up, these notes rustle something awful load,” added Foster, straining to hear anyone at the negotiation table. Foster also had to stand several times to see her counterparts as the 15 newly purchased gold busts of the Queen got in the way of her line of sight.

Elsewhere, Sinn Féin denied placing several JCB diggers outside the DUP headquarters, insisting they would need more than just diggers to steal and transport such large quantities of cash.