World’s First Sklep Gaeilge Opens In Waterford


A GROUNDBREAKING merger between a Sklep Polski and an Irish corner shop is promising to bring ‘something for everyone’ to consumers in Waterford, with the opening of the world’s first ‘Sklep Gaeilge’ in the city this week.

The shop aims to sell equal amount of Irish produce and Eastern European fare, to satisfy the increasingly multinational community in the area.

Until now, Polish people have been reluctant to shop in Irish supermarkets due to their ‘weird sausages and bread that tastes funny’, and Irish people have stayed away from Skleps selling ‘weird sausages and bread that tastes funny’. This new superstore will perfectly merge the two like a Ying-Yang symbol made of Denny’s black pudding and jars of fish skin.

“Polish people were doing half their shop in the Sklep Polski, and half their shop in Tesco,” said Seamus Cravolski, the mastermind behind Sklep Gaeilge.

“Now, they can do everything under one roof. Similarly, Irish folk don’t have to drive halfway across town to pick up cheap cigarettes and strong vodka before doing a second shop to get baby food and Brennan’s bread. I’m going to be a fucking millionaire bai!”

The new store was launched today with a glitzy event, where the first 100 customers were treated to Tayto crisps and glasses of free brine.