Clamper’s Mam Just Says Her Son Is Dead If People Ask

“PETER? He fell into the lion enclosure in a zoo when he was on holidays, torn to shreds, he was,” said the mother of Peter Sherrihan, a clamper still very much alive and working in Dublin city centre.

Mrs. Sherrihan, who still lives at the family home in Waterford, had been enjoying afternoon tea with friends when the subject of ‘how Peter was getting on these days’ was brought up.

Not wanting to admit to her friends that her son is a clamper, the 68-year-old quickly improvised a story involving Peter going on holidays to ‘someplace out beside Australia’, where he was sadly torn apart by animals mere days before he completed his training as a doctor.

“We made sure it didn’t get on the news,” said Mrs. Sherrihan, dabbing fake tears out of her eyes as her friends rushed to comfort her.

“We didn’t want the publicity. But yeah, he’s certainly a goner. All eaten up, no grave or anything. Now if you happen to hear stories that he’s working happily as a clamper in Dublin, just ignore them. That’s just someone who looks like Peter. My lad is definitely lion food. Honest”.

The next member of Sherrihan’s group of friends went on to add that her own son is ‘doing well over in Dubai’, despite the fact that everyone in the circle knows that he’s in jail for child porn.