Fire Brigade Called After Government Becomes Trapped In 1956


ALL UNITS of Dublin’s Fire Brigade services have been called to Leinster House as well as a number of government departments as it is feared the government has become trapped in 1956.

“If everyone could just back up, please, that’s it back up. We need you clear of the streets, this could blow up in the government’s face at any minute,” one firefighter said, pleading with the public to keep a safe distance from a number of key buildings.

1956 is said to contain toxic trace elements of a laissez faire attitude towards the concerns of citizens as well as a risk of inhalation of backwards and outdated attitudes to the rights of women and children. An undue reverence for religion has also been known to be found.

Reports that the government could be trapped in 1956 first spread after news merged that the running of Ireland’s new National Maternity Hospital was being handed over to a religious order which had previously run several Magdalene Laundries.

However, when firefighters were alerted to the fact that the Archbishop of Dublin is the current head of the board of the existing National Maternity Hospital and that the State has been slow to remove the church from the public education system, several firefighters began hacking at the doors of the departments of health and education with axes.

“We’ve no idea how long they’ve been trapped in there. Worst case scenario is they come out in sepia tone carrying Archbishop John Charles McQuaid over their shoulders. But look right now, we just want to get them out of there in one piece and to safety,” shared one firefighter WWN spoke with.

Any attempt by the government to communicate from within 1956 has been described as ‘muffled and tone deaf’.

Eyewitnesses on the scene speculated that the government is so deeply entrenched in 1956 they may be incapable of receiving a petition calling for a halt to the handing over of the hospital to the Sisters of Charity, a petition which has so far been signed by over 50,000 people.