Grown Man Still Can’t Get His Head Around Why Easter Changes Dates Every Year


A LOCAL GROWN up has yet again become frustrated by Easter’s inability to land on the same dates and weeks each and every year, for the 15th consecutive year in a row, WWN can reveal.

33-year-old Cathal Dernane went on record with friends and work colleague to express his dissatisfaction with the slippery nature of Easter and how its constant shifting in the calendar irks him.

“Wait, wasn’t fucking Easter in March last year? March? How is that even possible,” Dernane questioned while staring intensely at a cork board hung up on his wall with a series of thumb tacks and red string. However, despite Dernane’s detective work he seemed no closer to an answer.

“Like, Easter celebrates or acknowledges or whatever, the fact Jesus died and rose again right? I can think of nothing more offensive than saying ‘thanks Jesus, but we’ve changed the dates of your death and intend to change it again just to be difficult’,” added Dernane, who is not much fun at parties.

Dernane’s frustration intensified further as friends, family and coworkers seemed unable to supply him with an answer regarding Easter dates, nor did they seem to care about it.

“This is what the shadowy Easter date shifter wants from us, just easy compliance…but there’s something more to this surely. Why are they doing it? Christmas is the same every year, so why the fuck can’t Easter just be on the same dates every year?” Dernane fired off, scrunching up a calendar with his bare hands.

The shift in dates is not the only change this Easter as chocolate crucifix Jesus has outsold Easter eggs for the first time since 1991 this year.