Taoiseach To Attend Latest Boot Licking Session With Angela Merkel


AS negotiations between the EU and Britain over Britain’s exit from the EU approach, Taoiseach Enda Kenny has jetted off to his latest boot licking session with German Chancellor Angela Merkel, in the hope that Ireland’s economic progress will not be obliterated by any possible fallout from Brexit.

Political experts have been keen to point out recently how well respected Kenny’s boot licking capabilities are within the circle of EU leaders, and it is believed Kenny’s latest appointment with Merkel will strengthen Ireland’s Brexit negotiating position.

“I’m on my 9th boot licking this year, so after the 10th you get a free Starbucks coffee. But, I’m not doing this for the free coffee, I’m doing this for the Irish people,” the Taoiseach explained, in between extending his tongue in and out of his mouth, an action presumed to be part of some sort of pre-boot licking exercise regime.

“Angela likes to keep me guessing, sometimes her boot is spotless, other times it’s covered in shite and I’ve just got to take it, but either way I leave those boots shining bright like the Sun. Honestly though, this is a relationship full of mutual respect and admiration”.

Asked by the media why he is always the one travelling to Berlin to see the German leader, the Taoiseach dismissed the implication that it is a one-sided relationship.

“No, look, Angela is very busy. And if I apply enough saliva to her boots, I might even be allowed to sit at the adult table during the Brexit negotiations. I don’t feel dirty after doing this stuff, who said I should feel dirty? You’re dirty,” the Taoiseach concluded.