Majority Of Vape Users Now Addicted To Saying ‘It’s Harmless’


THEY turned to e-cigarettes and vape pens in a bid to free themselves from an addiction to tobacco, but almost 100% of vapers vaping today have found themselves addicted to something much, much worse.

“I started saying ‘it’s harmless’ pretty soon after I got my first e-cig,” said Cathal Morrison, a 39-year-old Waterford man who suffers from a chronic addiction to telling people what vape smoke consists of.

“Soon after, I found myself saying it constantly, if I got a funny look from someone that I blew vape at by the bus stop, if someone tutted at me if I took a rip in the pub… after a week, I was saying ‘it’s harmless, don’t worry about it’ at least 95 times a day”.

Like the majority of vapers, Morrison found himself stuck in a cycle of justifying his new hobby to a still-skeptical world which looked at him as ‘still a smoker’, and feared the massive plumes of vapour that he puffed out at regular intervals because they assumed that it may contain carcinogens or something equally unhealthy.

This forces the vape enthusiast to clarify just what vape smoke contains, until such a time as they find themselves saying it habitually, unable to stop themselves no matter how hard they try.

“There’s no patches, no gum, no support groups… if you’re addicted to saying how harmless vape is, you’re on your own,” sobbed Morrison.

“All I want it to get nicotine into my bloodstream, without sounding like a twat… but I can’t. I’m a hopeless addict. Not to vaping, of course, I could quit that any time. It’s nowhere near as addictive as tobacco, and it’s not carcinogenic either. It’s harmless, really. It’s just like, water vapour. Totally harmless. All it is is vapourised liquid. I order it online from a reputable company, it all conforms to health and safety standards. Harmless. I don’t know why you can’t vape indoors, it’s totally harmless. In fact…”

Morrison trailed off at this point, realising that he was doing it again.