Irish People In Australia Somehow Not Getting Killed By Spiders Every Two Days


AMAZING new statistics have shown that a remarkably small percentage of the approximately 70,000 Irish people currently living in Australia have run afoul of the many different species of poisonous antipodean creatures that are available to kill them.

Australia, located as far away from Ireland as you can go without coming back the other way, is currently home to the world’s most poisonous snake, the world’s most poisonous spider, the world’s deadliest shark, and that lad you used to know at school who held an electric fence for an hour on a dare.

As such, it was feared that the vast majority of the Irish population that migrated to Oz in search of work following the economic crash in 2008 would all be dead within a week, with their ‘ah look, I’m sure he’s harmless’ mentality proving to be their downfall when encountering the region’s huge range of deadly beasties.

However, WWN can report that actual cases of Irish lads getting drunk and putting funnel-web spiders into each other’s beds ‘for the laugh’ remains remarkably low.

“It’s amazing the restraint that people are showing when it comes to throwing box jellyfish at each other on the beach,” said one spokesperson for the Irish embassy in Australia.

“There are some people who are coming from a background where the most dangerous creature they encounter is a badger, to a land that has dozens of ways to kill you just while you’re walking around, coupled with the fact that Irish people generally have an ‘ah sure I’ll be grand’ mentality when dealing with danger. So yeah, pleasantly surprised with the figures”.