New Samsung Galaxy S8 Has Brighter, More Vibrant Explosion

VIBRANT. Stunning. Red-hot. Scorching. These are just some of the words that have been used to describe the fires that are expected from the Samsung Galaxy S8, due to launch next month.

The much-anticipated smartphone has some big shoes to fill in the exploding-technology world, coming as it does after the incredible pyrotechnic displays produced by its older brother, the positively incandescent Samsung Galaxy S7.

Featuring a bigger screen, faster processor, brand-new operating system and longer battery life, the S8 has everything it needs to create a fire that burns brighter and hotter than anything caused by the S7, with tech experts confident that customers looking for a smartphone that burns their house down will not be disappointed with the S8.

“The S8 really leads the smartphone race when it comes to melting your fucking face off,” said one tech guru we spoke to, with third degree burns over 80% of his body.

“This is some next-generation firepower right here. Samsung were under pressure following the incendiary performance of the S7, and many people didn’t think they could top that particular model, but the S8 builds on the S7 and then some. This thing should come with a fucking tube of Savlon”.

Where next for Samsung? Although unconfirmed, rumours are suggesting that the S9 next year may come strapped to a block of semtex. Stay tuned!