Brexit Could Mean Even Less Fucks Given To Northern Ireland


EARLY RESPONSES to the news that Stormont negotiations between Sinn Féin and the DUP have broken down has led political experts to speculate that even ‘less of a fuck will be given’ to Northern Ireland once Article 50 is triggered this week.

“This is actually a bit rude, could you not struggle and fail to find a consensus some other week,” British PM Theresa May said, scolding the main parties in Northern Ireland and alleging that their impasse was an attempt to ‘steal Brexit’s thunder’.

“Brexit means Brexit. It also means we’re going to take our eye off absolutely everything else, and anyway, I thought you guys sorted this out last year with elections,” May continued, keen to hint at the fact that she was completely unaware of the initial collapse of power sharing.

Political experts have been working around the clock to interpret what May’s latest comments could mean.

“I’m not 100% sure, but I’m almost certain that May is suggesting the British government would have to consult a map before being certain of where Northern Ireland actually is,” political expert Finn Pollard shared with WWN.

“If only there was a way to get blindingly ignorant nationalists to look at Northern Ireland’s current crisis as a threat imposed by those EU bastards and their straight banana loving ways, they’d fucking love it then,” added Pollard, who also suggested using the phrase ‘trigger power sharing’ in a bid to get people interested.

Meanwhile, Sinn Féin’s withdrawal from negotiations, citing the DUP’s refusal to retain and honour previous agreements, has been countered by the DUP after it alleged Gerry Adams attended previous negotiations wearing an ‘I heart a United Ireland’ t-shirt.