Chuck Berry Not As Good On Guitar As Ed Sheeran, Confirms Disappointment Of A Son


AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE of a son has explained to his father that Chuck Berry, while obviously an important figure in popular music, couldn’t possibly compare to trailblazing music icon Ed Sheeran, WWN is sad to report.

Eamon Laffery found himself biting his lip and resisting the urge to explain the history of music to the person he now refers to as his ‘alleged son’ of 15 years, Ronan Lafferty.

“The little shit said it with a straight face and everything, he goes ‘yeah dad, but c’mon, it’s not like he’s Ed Sheeran’ when I showed him a video of Johnny B Goode,” a clearly shaken Eamon explained to WWN.

“The bollocks is paying rent starting tomorrow, ‘Ed Sheeran’, he’s even tried to explain about how ‘Ed uses looping pedals and stuff, it’s amazing’. No, what’s amazing is that I had actually named you in my will, ye prick,” added Eamon.

Complete and utter disappointment of a son, Ronan, continued to explain in a condescending manner how an innovative guitarist who influenced vast swathes of the most successful musicians of all time just couldn’t compare to a ginger busker who has clearly won some sort of Make a Wish competition.

“Dad, I get it, he was good, but his stuff is really old, you need to listen to Galway Girl, it’s about Galway and there’s loads of Irish references in it. He’s showing that just because you don’t have the looks, you can still be the greatest guitar player the world has ever seen,” Ronan explained, unwittingly talking himself into years of substandard birthday and Christmas gifts from his father.

Eamon admitted that with the recent passing of Chuck Berry, his emotions may be more delicate than normal.

“I’m a bit fragile, I loved Chuck’s music. But at the same time, I had no idea I had been raising someone more evil, heinous, stupid and disappointing than the most disturbing of psychopaths the world has ever known. Ed Sheran? Ed fucking Sheeran,” Eamon shouted, clearly calming himself.