“I’ve Gone Virus!”


AN UNDERSTANDBLY delighted Taoiseach returned to Ireland from his trip to the US last week, declaring to the cabinet, opposition parties and the Irish public that he has gone virus, WWN can reveal.

At an emergency meeting of the cabinet, called for purposes of a piss up, a visibly moved Enda Kenny explained how a television film with images and sounds of him saying words was “shared on the phones, with the thingy, the apps and Facebook and they love me”.

“I’m after going virus now, how about that, huh? Don’t suppose any of you have gone virus now have you,” Kenny added, addressing Leo Varadkar and Simon Coveney specifically.

Referring to a video in which the Taoiseach pleaded the case for Irish immigrants in America to President Donald Trump, the Fine Gael leader pointed out the clip had been viewed over 30 million times and went on to suggest that with such a large public backing of people who don’t know the first thing about how dysfunctional Irish politics is, he could stay on as Taoiseach for at least another 10 years if he wanted to.

Sources close to Leinster House have suggested that the Taoiseach’s brief brush with internet fame has left him relatively unchanged, with his humility in check.

“He won’t let any members of the public look him directly in the eye, and he refuses to answer questions on any issue or government policy. So, he’s exactly the same as he was before the video went viral,” explained a source to WWN.

Elsewhere, it is alleged Simon Coveney and Leo Varadkar will spend the day making funny sketches about the life of a TD in Leinster House in a bid to go viral and bolster their respective leadership challenges.